I know I havent been on here in a while and I’m not even really sure why I’m doing this now. Maybe just so I know it’s out there. We’re all struggling with our mental health right now. I see my therapist tomorrow and I wrote this for her.
I suffer from severe anxiety, major depression and emetophobia.
It’s getting bad again. Every day it’s one thing or another. It’s either terrible anxiety or crippling depression. Sometimes both. But never neither. It starts in my chest or my stomach. The hot feeling you get when you start to get anxious. Then it manifests into something worse. Feeling sick. Here we go again. The daily battle with my stomach and my brain. I found some relief from this for a little while but in the past 3 years its built into one of the most painful battles. My brain gets anxious. I feel sick. I feel sick. My brain gets anxious. And from the constant argument between the two I get depressed. I feel like I’ll never live a normal life no matter how hard I try. No matter where I am I need to have an exit strategy. An escape plan. I need to know my way out in every situation. It doesn’t matter if its school, work, or anything fun like concerts or basketball games. The worry is always there. I’ve lost so much to this illness. People dont understand what they cant see. I’m not missing an arm or a leg so I’m better off right? My brain feels like its fried. I get stressed so easily and I’m nearing burnout every day. I feel like there is no hope for me. It’s always going to be something. I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. How will I survive another 50 years of this? Will I even want to?
